


Recoveries

by tinyginger



Series: The Love of Three [3]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Autistic Spencer Reid, Bisexual Derek Morgan, Bisexual Jennifer "JJ" Jareau, Bisexual Spencer Reid, Blood, Broken Bones, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, Drugs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s02e15 Revelations, Established Relationship, Eventual Smut, Everyone Is Gay, Family Bonding, Family Dinners, Fluff and Angst, Hospitals, Hurt Jennifer "JJ" Jareau, Hurt Spencer Reid, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Injury, Injury Recovery, Love, Major Character Injury, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mild Smut, Multi, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Derek Morgan, Protective Jennifer "JJ" Jareau, Recovery, Shower Sex, Spencer Reid Whump, Team Bonding, Team as Family, Threesome - F/M/M, Vomiting, Worried Derek Morgan, Worried Jennifer "JJ" Jareau
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:48:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27923290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyginger/pseuds/tinyginger
Summary: Immediately following the events in Revelations. Reid is in the hospital physically and mentally wounded, facing possible life threatening injuries. JJ and Derek have to lean on each other for support while they watch their boyfriend fighting harder than he has the strength to.
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Penelope Garcia & Derek Morgan, Penelope Garcia & Spencer Reid, Spencer Reid & The BAU Team, The BAU Team & Emily Prentiss
Series: The Love of Three [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1866064
Comments: 38
Kudos: 100





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> Sequel to Part 2 of the Love of Three "Revelation"

**_“The power of community to create health is far greater than any physician, clinic or hospital.”_ **

**~ Mark Myman**

The team sat in the waiting room of the hospital. Garcia was holding Morgan’s hand, her other arm wrapped around his shoulders. She was crying. She had been crying nearly nonstop for the duration of Reid’s time in the barn. Morgan had tears streaming down his face, but he wasn’t crying, not really. He sobbed all he could into JJ’s shoulder after they watched Spencer nearly hit the ground after “convincing” everyone he could walk from the graveyard to the ambulance. 

Gideon and Hotch had been right there, not wanting to stray too far from the youngest agent, and caught the man before he went down. JJ had tried to help as well, grabbing onto Reid’s shirt and trying to guide him forward. But Hotch was already supporting most of Reid’s weight, and Gideon was quick to calm JJ while moving her to Morgan so he could help. As soon as Reid was on the gurney he was out. Unconscious, dead to the world, looking dead to everyone who saw him. He was dirty, bleeding, and pale. 

Morgan had his arm around JJ as they watched the EMTs stab an IV into the back of their boyfriend’s hand, and secure an oxygen mask around his pale face. Neither JJ nor Morgan could process anything, and they were both too distraught to be helpful, so Gideon had climbed into the back of the ambulance with Reid. Hotch drove them to the hospital while Prentiss went to pick up Garcia to bring her there as well. 

They had just gotten parked and started walking to the front desk to find out information about Reid, when JJ’s vision started to swim and she stumbled over the flat ground, falling forward into Morgan’s arms. She was too pale, and too hot for Morgan’s liking. His heart sank when he heard Hotch mumble something about her arm, before running to get someone to help. 

Garcia had shown up just as they were rushing JJ somewhere to try and get control over the infection in her arm. She had arrived just in time for Derek to break. All at once the adrenaline, energy, and sheer will that had been keeping him going for three days vanished . And he was left exhausted, weak, and sobbing into his best friend's shoulder. 

Garcia had finally convinced him to come and sit with the rest of the team. Morgan had agreed, but was silent. Too exhausted to make a sound. 

So he sat there crying quietly. 

Five out of seven waited together. None of them knew how long they’d been there before a doctor came to talk to them. 

“You’re the family of Miss Jareau?”

“Yes, we’re the family of Agent Jareau.” Hotch spoke for the team. 

The doctor nodded and smiled. “Her infection, while severe, was not as bad as we had originally thought. Her exhaustion and dehydration mixed with the infection made her symptoms seem worse than they were. She’s resting right now, but will be able to leave as soon as she finishes her IV.”

“What’s the IV for?” Gideon asked, his voice soft.

“We have her on some antibiotics to combat the infection, and to help with the dehydration as well.” The doctor smiled. “We also have her on a light dose of pain medication, nothing too severe, we don’t think she’ll need anything stronger than ibuprofen for the next few days, but if she does start to have more severe pain, give us a call and we can get her a prescription.”

“Thank you.” Hotch nodded. 

“If one of you would like to come sit with her while she waits that’s perfectly fine.”

Everyone first looked at Morgan. But Garcia had shaken her head, knowing if he went into her room and saw her hooked up to an IV he’d break again. 

“I’ll go.” Prentiss said. “I’ll let her know that everyone else is out here waiting, and I’ll bring her here when she’s ready.”

“I’ll let you know if we hear anything.” Hotch whispered as she moved past him. 

An hour later Prentiss and JJ came back to the group. JJ’s arm was wrapped tighter than before and she looked less pale, but her cheeks were tear stained and she looked frantic. 

“How’s Spence?” 

“We still don’t know.” Hotch sighed, trying to get her to sit down. 

“What do you mean? It’s been hours!” JJ fumed. “Where the fuck is his doctor!?”

“JJ-” Prentiss put her hand on the blonde’s shoulder. 

“No! I need to see him!” JJ pleaded with Hotch. 

“You will.” Hotch spoke softly. “We just have to wait a little longer.”

“But-”

“Jayje.” Morgan’s voice was shaky, and his eyes were filled with tears, but she understood what he wanted. So she walked over to him and sat down, grabbing his free hand and kissing his knuckles. “He’s fine.”

“Yeah.” JJ agreed distractedly.

“He’s going to be fine.”

JJ nodded again. 

Too much time had passed before Spencer’s doctor came out, much like JJ’s doctor had. But this doctor looked grim, sad even. Derek could see it in the woman’s face. 

“I’ve been told you’re the family of Dr. Reid.” The woman stated then looked at Hotchner, “He told me to look for the angriest group of people and talk to the well dressed man who looks too calm to be with them.”

“He’s awake?” Hotch asked, hope creeping into his voice. 

“He’s in and out of consciousness, but that's good.” The woman smiled. “We didn’t want to give him too much morphine, and sedating him seemed risky with what his body has been through... You must be Agent Hotchner, he told me you’re his medical proxy and emergency contact.”

“I am,” Hotch nodded, “You can speak to all of us.”

“Risky?” Garcia’s voice was just above a whisper. 

“Is he okay?” JJ spoke over her friend. 

“He’s stable.” The doctor answered. “He’s in the ICU right now, and being monitored closely. 

“What took so long?” Prentiss asked. 

“We had to work carefully, his vitals kept dropping and we didn’t want to have to resuscitate him and add to the stress on his lungs and heart.” She answered honestly. “There was some internal bleeding and a small tear in his right lung, his chest was also bruised and we wanted to make sure his ribs were okay.”

“Are they?” JJ asked, tears continuously streaming down her face. 

“A few fractures but no breaks, they are however, severely bruised.”

“Are there any other injuries?” Hotch asked. 

“Quite a few actually.” The doctor looked somber but continued, “His first, fourth and fifth metatarsals on his right foot are fractured as well as his first, second and third on his left. His left foot took most of the damage, his fourth and fifth metatarsals are broken, but it’s a clean break. The tendons in both feet are strained. The wounds on his wrists were raw and infected, and the joints show signs of prolonged dislocation... he will most likely require physical therapy for his hands. He has a severe concussion and needed stitches for a gash on the side of his head, the good news is his skull is not fractured. There is a shallow stab wound to his side, and his right shoulder… That shoulder was also dislocated, but there doesn’t seem to be any further damage, other than a shallow cut in the muscle, which we stitched up. He has severe bruising on about 55% of his body. But most of it should clear up in a week or so.”

“Jesus.” Prentiss gasped. 

“When can we see him?” JJ asked. 

“Are you JJ?” The doctor asked. 

JJ nodded urgently, “Yes.”

“Dr. Reid asked me to tell you to rest.” The doctor smirked. “And to take care of a ‘Derek’?”

“That’s me.” Derek chuckled sadly. 

“He also told me that neither of you would listen, and would stay here until you saw him.” 

“He’s right.” Derek smirked. 

JJ smiled sadly, “He’s always right.”

“You two can come with me.” The doctor smiled at them. “He’s anxious when he’s awake, but calms a little when talking about you two. I’m hoping you can keep him calm when he wakes up.”

They both nodded. 

“You have to listen to my nurses, okay?” The doctor warned. “No matter what happens, if someone tells you to wait outside, you wait outside.”

JJ nodded while Derek replied, “Got it.” 

“Alright then, come with me.” 

“We’ll be here.” Hotch called after them. “Come get us if you need anything.”

As they followed the doctor to Spencer, JJ found her hand suddenly entangled with Derek’s. He was trembling as he held on to her. He didn’t realize he was holding the hand of her bandaged arm, and she didn’t care that he was. 

“Right now, his injuries look worse than they are.” The doctor warned. “His voice may also be rough or nonexistent, we had to ventilate him.”

“But he’s okay?” JJ asked, tears clogging her voice. 

“He’s better than expected.” 

Derek and JJ shared a looked. They knew what that meant. He’s not okay, at all, but the doctor wants to give them hope. 

JJ gasped when her eyes fell on her battered boy, unconscious, wires and tubes and IVs attached under bandages. His skin was a grotesque mixture of translucent pale, and dark multicolored bruises. Blood stained the skin under his nose, his cracked lips, and clumped his curls together. 

“Spence.” 

Derek gasped himself and when he took in the dirt still packed under his boy’s nails, “Jayje.” 

“He may be in and out of consciousness for a while.” The doctor told them. “Press the call button or come get someone if you need anything or have any questions or concerns.” 

It seemed like days that JJ and Derek sat in the uncomfortable chairs next to their boy’s bed. For a while, they had sat in a silence and just watched Spencer breathe and listened to the steady beeping of his heart monitor. They had clung to each other and cried. 

Once a nurse came in and checked over Spencer, changing someone on a machine and writing on his chart, they snapped out of their shock and looked at each other. 

“What do we tell them?” JJ whispered. 

Derek shrugged and leaned forward, gently kissing Spencer’s forehead. But jumped a little when he heard a mumble, then a sigh, and then felt a hand lazily hit his chest.

“Spence?” JJ gasped. 

“Coffee?”

“No,” Derek’s gasp was somewhere between a sob and a laugh as tears started to fall from his eyes, “I don’t have coffee for you Baby Boy.” 

Spencer huffed out a confused sigh and turned his head trying to clear it, his eyes still not open. “-‘d you… why… wake me? With no-ffee?”

“You’re in the hospital, Baby Boy.” Derek whispered, a shaky smile on his face. “I wasn’t trying to wake you.”

“Oh.” Spencer nodded but furrowed his eyebrows. “Dark.”

JJ let out a half sob half that was supposed to be a laugh, “Open your eyes and it won’t be.” 

Spencer let out an unhappy noise but did as JJ said and blinked a few times before focusing on Derek and smiling. “Hi.” 

“Hi there, Pretty Boy.” Derek smiled. “How’re you feeling?”

“Th-rrr-y.” 

“I’ll get you some water.” JJ moved quickly, trying to relieve some of his discomfort. “Here.”

“Drink slow, Baby Boy.” Derek warned as he helped hold Spencer’s head up. 

Spencer choked down some water and smiled up at Derek. “Pretty.”

“Me?” Derek raised an eyebrow. 

Spencer nodded then let his head fall to the side and smiled at JJ. “You too.”

She smiled and leaned forward to kiss him. Even with his foggy mind he tried to reciprocate the kiss. It made his two lovers laugh when he puckered her lips long after JJ had pulled away. 

They all were quiet for a moment. Not wanting to bring up what brought them here, nor wanting to talk about his injuries. 

“Where’s everyone?” Spencer sighed, his eyes closing and his hand coming up to his face. “Where- uh… I don’t feel so good.”

“Do you want me to get a nurse?” JJ asked, her fingers running through his hair. 

He acted like he didn’t hear the question and just focused on trying to get a deep breath.

“You gonna get sick?” Derek asked, moving to get the plastic tub next to his bed. 

“Don’t know.” Spencer breathed out, squeezing his eyes shut. “Just- don’t feel…” 

Derek watched Spencer’s face get paler and paler until he was sure there was no blood flowing through the man’s body, but he could hear the heart monitor going erratic. 

“Okay, just take some deep breaths.” Derek tried to stay calm as he grabbed Spencer’s hand and smoothed tears away from his eyes. “JJ will be back with a nurse in a minute.” 

“-re… Der…” Spencer let out a frustrated huff and blinked up at his boyfriend. “Help?”

That was enough to make Derek want to sob. Spencer hated not being able to communicate. He hated not being in control and he rarely asked for help. 

“Okay Baby Boy, just focus on me okay?” Derek told him. “You’re going to be fine. You just gotta hang on.” 

“I uh… love…” Spencer gasped and squeezed his eyes tighter. “Luh-o-ove… fuh… ove you!”

“I love you too baby, just…” Derek didn’t know what else to say. “Just… JJ will be right back.”

Spencer smiled at the mention of his girlfriend, “-ove ‘er.” 

“She loves you too.” Derek told him, letting out the breath he was holding when JJ walked in with the nurse. “Look, she’s here.”

Spencer smiled and peaked an eye open. 

“Dr. Reid, can you tell me what you’re feeling?” The nurse asked. 

“Not well.”

“Are you in pain?” 

Spencer nodded. 

The nurse nodded, “Where?” 

“All…” Spencer furrowed his brow again. “-where.”

“Are you confused, or just having trouble with your speech right now?” The nurse asked, picking up on his frustration. 

Spencer held up two fingers. 

“Alright, that probably has something to do with your low oxygen level.” The nurse said as she paged his doctor in. “Are you dizzy?” 

Spencer nodded then looked to Derek with pleading eyes, “Yes.” 

“Yes?” Derek was confused for a moment then it dawned on him. “Shit! Hold on, Baby.” 

He quickly put the plastic tub under Spencer’s chin and held the shaking man as he vomited into it. 

“Alright, I need you two to go wait with your family.” The nurse said as she took over holding the tub and the doctor started working on Spencer. “Now.”

JJ grabbed Derek’s arm as they walked to the waiting room once again, tears streaming down both their faces. Garcia was the first to see them and gasped. 

“Oh god!” She sobbed, “Wh-what happened!”

“He uh… he said he didn’t feel well.” JJ spoke softly as she clung to Derek. “I went and got the nurse.”

“He was having trouble talking.” Derek added, “He got so frustrated just starting to say he loved us.”

When they didn’t say anything else, Hotch stepped in. “What happened after that?” 

“Oh… the nurse asked us to leave.” JJ said. “... told us to wait out here.” 

“How was he before that?” Garcia asked, tears wetting her eyes. “Was he conscious?”

Derek nodded. “He was okay.”

“He uh…” JJ chuckled sadly and wiped the tears from her face. “He was upset Der didn’t bring him his coffee.”

That caused the group to laugh, all except for Gideon. The older man sat quietly, staring off into space, tears threatening to spill but never doing so.So much was wrong with this situation. That boy had been through so much already in his life and now… 

_ This is my fault.  _ Gideon though as he let the sad and worried voices of his team wash over him.  _ I recruited him. I’m his mentor. He was going to be a research scientist, a professor, find a cure for Schizophrenia, cure cancer… he was going to do so much. He was so full of life.  _

A pit formed in his stomach as he thought about the ambulance ride. He had been so confused when Reid had woken up and the first words to the parametric was “Administer PEP”, followed by “six hours”. Gideon had assumed the kid wasn’t making sense, until the paramedic nodded and searched for the requested medication. That’s when he knew something had occurred that none of them knew about. Something possibly worse than the injured foot and bruised face.

They waited for nearly an hour before they heard anything about Spencer. In that time, JJ had cried herself to sleep against Derek’s shoulder, Garcia holding his hand the whole time they waited. Hotch had started pacing, but no one said anything or tried to get their leader to sit down. Gideon had stayed quiet, doing nothing, saying nothing, barely alive to the world. And Prentiss… she tried to keep everyone afloat. The team was drowning without their genius, and Emily Prentiss, new to the team, new to this family, was trying to help in any way she could. 

She would bring them food they didn’t eat, coffee that went cold as it sat untouched, unopened water bottles scattered around the room they had taken over.

“Alright, I’m going to need everyone to open a water and drink it.” Prentiss announced.

The few who registered her words did as they were told, then prodded the others to do the same. 

When the doctor finally came out to talk to them, both JJ and Derek held their breath, expecting the worst. 

“He’s asking for you again.” The doctor looked at the anxious couple. “You guys can head back that why, I’ll update the rest of your family.”

They didn’t hesitate and rushed down the hall to where they knew Spencer was. 

“What happened?” Hotch asked. 

“His oxygen levels dropped which was the main cause of his confusion, he also had a reaction so some of the medication. But once we took him off the medication and got him on something else, his vitals leveled out.” The doctor told them. “He requested I tell you all to eat something, he also said if you were to order food, he’d love you to smuggle him in some fries.”

Garcia laughed but choked on her tears. “Is he going to be alright?”

“He is being monitored closely right now.” The doctor said. “And we are optimistic. The fact that he is able to retain consciousness for extended periods of time is a good sign.”

“Can we see him?” Gideon asked, sounding more desperate than he hoped.

“I’ll talk to Dr. Reid and my nurses, but you should be able to stop in, one by one, but only briefly.”

The whole night the team stayed at the hospital. JJ and Derek slept in shifts in the chairs next to their boy’s bed. Every hour, someone else would come in from the waiting room and check on the three exhausted agents, offering food, water, and coffee. 

When JJ was awake she’d hold his hand and whisper to him, telling him the stories her sister once told her when she had a concussion and couldn’t read or watch tv. 

“-and the princess watched as her knight took off the dented metal helmet, and smiled when she saw who had come to save her.” JJ whispered into his ear as she played with his hair. “Before her, dressed in the armor of her kingdoms’ knights, was Lady Love, the princess of a neighboring kingdom, and Princess Jennifer’s best friend. The princess was unsure at first, looking at her best friend, dressed as a night, if this could really be the person destined to save her. For she had always been told, a man would come and take her from the tower. But standing there, looking into Lady Love’s eyes, the princess knew everything was going to be alright. And in a moment of pure joy and thankfulness, the princess stepped forward and kissed her knight. And the two lived happily ever after.”

“What did they do with the kingdoms?” Spencer croaked out, startling JJ a bit. 

“What?”

“After Lady Love saved Princess Jennifer, what did they do with the kingdoms? Did they get married?” Spencer asked again, eyes still closed. “How did their subjects react?”

“Well…” JJ paused, her sister hadn’t told her what happened after. “Well, Lady Love rescued the Princess, and took her to the nearest kingdom to get looked over. And once the kingdom's physician gave her the okay, the two returned to Princess Jennifer’s kingdom first. She helped Lady Love bathe, and gave her a gown to wear, then they had dinner with her parents.”

“Oh no, meeting the folks is never easy.” Derek chuckled softly from next to her. 

“No it’s not, but Lady Love and Princess Jennifer had each other, and that’s all that mattered to them. Even if the Princess’s parents didn’t approve of their love, they didn’t care, because they would always have each other.” JJ smiled when she felt Derek’s hand on her back, rubbing slow circles. “And at that dinner, they two royal women told the King and Queen they were in love, and getting married. At first, they seemed shocked, not unhappy or disgusted as the Princess had feared, but not fully accepting of their declaration.”

“Oh no.” Spencer mumbled. 

“Don’t worry, the Queen looked to her husband, grabbed his hand, and smiled at their daughter. Then, she said ‘We were once worried to tell our parents of our love, we had worried they wouldn’t accept us and we would be forced to flee the kingdom, our home, so we could be together’. The Queen then took her daughter’s hand and smiled at Lady Love and said, ‘I’m so proud of you girls for having the courage to love each other, and to tell us about this love’. The King then smiled and told them, ‘You have our blessing, if you wish to have the wedding here, you have full use of our great hall’. And they finished their dinner, whilst making plans on journeying to Lady Love’s kingdom to tell her parents of the wedding.” 

“Why were the King and Queen worried to tell their parents?” Spencer asked. 

“The King was once a servant of the castle.” JJ explained. “It was wrongfully unacceptable for a servant and royal to marry. But they didn’t care. They knew that love could never be wrong.”

Spencer nodded and yawned. “Love you.” 

Both JJ and Derek smiled and told him they love him. Then watched as he drifted off to sleep again. 

“I’ll tell him the rest of it when he wakes up.” JJ chuckled. 

“Try and get some sleep.” Derek told her. “I’ll watch him.”

JJ nodded and shifted around in her seat, trying to get comfortable. “Do you- do you mind if I use your shoulder as a pillow?” 

Derek looked shocked for a moment, almost hurt, as he nodded. “Of course.”

“Thanks.” JJ mumbled as she leaned against him, slipping her hand between his arm and his ribs, then kissing his shoulder. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Derek whispered, kissing the top of her head. 

Gideon had been the one to check on them an hour later, when JJ and Derek had both given into their exhaustion and fallen asleep. At first, he thought- he hoped Spencer was sleeping as well, but it soon became apparent that the young man was wide awake. 

“Spencer?” Gideon whispered, not receiving any indication that he was heard. “Reid?”

Spencer did nothing. He laid there, eyes open, staring at his hand. His hand wasn’t injured badly, there was a bruise, and some scrapes, but it wasn’t bandaged like the other one. Gideon couldn’t figure out what the kid was looking at. Not until he stepped closer and saw the dirt under the nails on his shaky hands. 

Gideon didn’t stay very long. He couldn't take the catatonic state of his young genius.

Garcia noticed how upset he was when he arrived back in the family waiting room. She didn’t want to make a big deal of it, and wake the others who were all sleeping restlessly in uncomfortable chairs. So she walked over and sat next to him. 

“What’s wrong, Sir?” Garcia whispered. 

“He’s far away.” Gideon admitted. “He… the dirt under his nails… he saw it. He- they didn’t clean that away… and now-now he’s so far away.”

“He’ll come back to us.” Garcia told him, grabbing her purse and standing. “And I’m going to go clean his nails.”

Garcia snuck into the room as quietly as possible. She immediately saw what Gideon had meant when he said Reid was ‘far away’. She sighed and sat next to him on the bed. 

“Hey, Boy Wonder,” Garcia spoke softly, trying not to wake her friends sleeping in the chairs. “I’m just gonna clean you up okay? I talked to your nurse, and he says it’s fine that I do this. So i’m going to take my wet wipes and I’m going to get rid of all this dirt and blood, then I’m going to file your nails so they are all smooth, and you’re going to feel so much better.”

After a while of her gently cleaning him up and getting the dirt from under his nails, she started to file his broken and jagged nails. She hated thinking what he broke them on. 

“Thanks.” A broken whisper startled her. 

“Oh, Honey, of course.” Garcia smiled, holding onto his hand. “I’d do anything for you.”

“Will you stay?” Spencer requested, his eyes finally meeting hers. “Send them to the hotel to take showers, and get food, and rest?”

“Sweetie, I don’t think they’re going to leave.” Garcia told him. “Not tonight at least.”

“Why?”

“They’ve been so worried about you, we all have. None of us want to be more than a few feet away from you.” She tried to explain without freaking him out. “Especially them, Derek’s always been a bit clingy though.” She got a small chuckle out of the broken man. “We’re all staying here right now, because we just got you back and we don’t want to leave you.” 

“Everyone is here?” 

“Yeah, everyone.” Garcia nodded. “Hotch has come in a few times to make sure you were okay, Gideon was just in here, Prentiss has come a few times, they keep having to kick me out of here.” 

Spencer smiled and held her hand tighter. “I know you saw. I’m so sorry.”

“No,” Tears swelled in her eyes, “No, don’t- don’t apologize.”

“You didn’t need to see that.” Spencer shook his head. “You shouldn’t have seen that.”

“It’s not your fault.” Garcia sobbed out, reaching forward to wipe his eyes. “Please don’t feel guilty, none of this is your fault. It was done to you.”

“... Will you do me a favor?” 

“Anything.”

“Get rid of those videos.” Spencer said. “I know you have to keep a copy as evidence, but… can you-can you keep it private? Put a password or something on it? So only you and those who absolutely need to have access to it?” 

“Yeah, I’ll keep it encrypted, anyone who wants to see it has to go through me.” Garcia agreed. “No one is going to see those videos who don't have a good, big boss level reason.”

Spencer nodded and let out a cough that turned into a groan. Tears pricked his eyes as pain shot through his body.

“Can you-can you help me?” He asked, trying to sit up. 

“No, don’t sit up.” Garcia said loudly, accidentally waking up Derek and JJ. “Don’t move.”

“Whoa, hey, Baby Boy, what’s up?” Derek asked, quickly moving to put his hands on Spencer’s shoulders. “Where’re you going?”

“I uh… I have to… I need-”

“Slow down Spence, take a breath.” JJ told him. 

Tears welled in his eyes when he focused on her. “You’re here, you’re okay.”

“Yeah, I’m here.” JJ nodded, tears in her eyes too. “We’re okay.”

“I’m sorry!” Spencer sobbed. “I’m sorry! I left you! I’m so-I’m so sorry! -so sorry!”

“Calm down, you’re okay.” JJ sobbed as she gathered his head into her hands and kissed his hair. “We’re okay, you’re okay. I love you! You’re okay.”

“I’m sorry!” He sobbed again. 

“Can you go get a nurse?” Derek looked to Garcia as he moved to hold Spencer’s hands. 

“I’m fine! Don’t leave!” Spencer hiccuped. “Just wait, please.”

“Okay, Sweetie, I’m right here.” Garcia patted his leg gently. 

“Water?” Derek asked when Spencer had stopped sobbing. 

He nodded, “Please.”

Garcia grabbed his water cup and put the straw to his lips. When he was done she put the cup down and wiped his mouth off with a napkin. “You dribbled a little.”

“Sorry.” Spencer croaked out.

“Oh no, no.” Garcia tutted, “you have no reason to be sorry my little genius.”

“Der,” Spencer let his head fall to the side so he could see Derek. “Please?”

“Yeah?” Derek grabbed Spencer’s hand, trying to hold eye contact with the younger man. “Baby, what do you need?” 

“Your-I need-will you get the sweatshirt?” Spencer whispered, tugging at the gown laying over his abused torso. “Please? These-I don’t like the-please?”

“You won’t be able to wear it.” Derek told him, sadness dripping from his voice. “They have to be able to access your bandages.”

“Please!” Spencer begged tears starting to stream down his face, “I just want it on me! I hate this! I want-I need it off!” 

“Okay, okay, just calm down.” Derek told him. “It’s back at the hotel, I’ll send someone to get it.” 

“Don’t go alone!” Spencer grabbed his hand and tugged it closer. “You and Jay have to stay together. Okay? I’m-I’m okay... Okay?” 

“Okay, okay, I get it. Jayje and I will stay together.” Derek nodded. “Do you need anything else?” 

“Kiss?” Spencer requested. 

Derek chuckled and leaned forward, kissing his boyfriend gently before ruffling his hair. “I love you, Kid.”

Spencer hummed happily, “Love you.” 

“Do you want food?” JJ asked, rubbing her hand over Derek’s back. “I could try and find you something light.” 

“Jello?” 

“Alright, do you want anything else? Maybe some mashed potatoes or something?” JJ asked again. “Soup?”

Spencer gave a cheeky smile, “Kiss?”

“Of course.” JJ leaned forward and kissed him. “But I meant food wise, you must be hungry?”

“No.” Spencer shook his head, swallowing thickly. “Not hungry.” 

“Alright, I’ll bring you some jello.” JJ said. “We’ll be right back.”

“Wait, wait.” Spencer called them back. “Call my mom, tell her-tell her I’m okay.”

“We will.” JJ nodded. “Rest.” 

“Hotch.” Spencer tried to call after them, though his voice wavered. 

“You want Hotch?” Derek asked. 

Spencer nodded and smiled at them. “Shower, together… then-then come back.” 

“Yes sir.” Derek chuckled. “We’ll be fast.”

Once they were gone Spencer turned to Garcia and smiled. “I need you to take care of them.” 

“Of course, I have been.” Garcia agreed. “They’re shaken up right now, as are you, but they’re fine. Don’t worry.” 

“No- I need you to- I need you to take care of them, if something happens to me.” Spencer attempted to clear his throat but started coughing, then started gasping for air. “Fuck!”

“Hey, you’re alright.” Garcia said putting the oxygen mask, Reid had taken off at some point, back over his nose and mouth. “Just take some breaths with this on… there you go.”

Hotch cleared his throat from the entryway, not wanting to startle either agent. Garcia looked up when she heard the noise and smiled, waving him over. 

“Hi, how is he?” Hotch asked, thinking Reid was asleep. 

“Fine, he’s just taking a little break.” Garcia kept her tone as light as possible as she sat next to Spencer, leaning over him and comforting him. One of her hands on the side of his face, rubbing her thumb gently back and forth on his cheek. Her other hand resting by his pillow, her fingers playing with his hair. His hands were up by his chest, one clutching the gown that laid over his body, and the other holding onto Garcia’s wrist, holding onto someone safe and warm. 

In a moment of complete parental instinct, Hotch leaned forward in the chair Derek had vacated, and gently ran his hand up and down his youngest agent’s arm. 

“I’m okay.” Reid croaked after a while, trying to take the mask off again. “See, my h-heart monitor- it’s fine.”

“Yes, but you still need this.” Garcia shooed his hands away. “Just leave it. We can understand you.” 

“Hotch?” Spencer looked to the side where his boss was sitting, still rubbing his arm. “Hi.”

“Hey, how’re you feeling?” 

“Not great.” Spencer shrugged, wincing at the motion. “I need-need you to ask you… please, if I- if something happens- they can’t be here- can’t watch it again.”

“Nothing is going to happen to you.” Garcia told him. “You’re going to be fine. JJ and Derek are going to come back from the hotel with your sweatshirt and jello, and they’re going to be all clean, and they are going to sit right here with you until your doctor says you can go home. And then we are all going to go home and make sure you’re settled and safe and then when you feel up to it, we are all going to have a family dinner and watch movies.” 

“I can-I can feel… I’m slipping.” Spencer whispered out. “Duh-dunno… if I’ll- if I’ll wake up.” 

“You will.” Garcia urged.

“Gotta take care… okay?” Spencer blinked slowly. “-them… love them… okay?”

“You’ll be able to tell them yourself.”

Spencer nodded, took a breath and opened his eyes to look directly at Garcia. “Don’t let them forget.”

“Forget you love them?” Garcia gasped. “They never…”

Spencer shook his head, “each other.”

“Don’t let them forget they love… each other?” Garcia was saddened by his request but she understood. “I won’t. I promise.”

“I can’t-” Spencer shook his head and looked at Hotch. “Can’t.”

“It’s alright, you can sleep.” Hotch told him. “You’re safe now. I’ll wake you up if anything happens.”

“Okay,” Reid mumbled to his boss. “G’night.”

“Sleep well.” Garcia kissed his forehead. 

The room was quiet after the genius fell asleep. The only sounds were coming from the machines he was hooked to. Garcia decided to keep cleaning him up, getting the blood and dirt out of his matted hair, and gently trying to detangle it. Hotch sat quietly next to his youngest, holding his hand, keeping him connected to the world. 

“He’s going to be okay.” Garcia spoke softly but suddenly. “He survived, he’s- he’s going to be okay.”

“I know.” Hotch agreed. 

“They are going to be okay too.”

“I know.” 


	2. Part Two

JJ and Derek came back within an hour, both dressed in comfier clothes. Derek carried his old sweatshirt that had become somewhat of a security blanket for Spencer.

The rest of the night, everyone waited with tight chests. The doctors kept telling them it was a good sign that he was lucid and holding conversations. But the team also knew there was something that they weren’t telling them. The fact that his vitals kept dropping suddenly, and his consciousness was still slipping in and out and, was in fact, not good. Neither was the way he’d start coughing and couldn’t stop.

At around five in morning he woke and started coughing. JJ woke up immediately and moved to help him like she had so many times in the past few hours. His coughs soon turned into gags and he started spitting bile into the bin she was holding under his chin. It wasn’t unusual, he’d been sick a few times mostly due to his concussion and had been complaining about his stomach hurting. But this time was different, she nearly screamed when she saw the blood on the side of the bin, and took in how pale his skin was. 

“Derek!” She yelled, startling her boyfriend out of his restless sleep, “Get the doctor!”

Derek wasted no time jumping out of his seat and running to get the doctor. 

“-fine.” Spencer choked out. 

Once again, JJ and Derek were told to wait out with the team while they fixed Spencer. As soon as they got to the waiting room, Garcia started crying. 

“What happened?” Garcia gasped out. “Is that his blood?”

JJ looked down at her arm and her wide eyes got wider. She hadn’t noticed. 

“They’re taking care of it.” Derek spoke. “Jayje, let’s go wash up.”

JJ nodded but stayed where she was. 

“Come on, I’ll help.” Garcia stood and walked over to the couple. “We’ll make you both presentable for when the doctors tell you Spence wants to see you.”

For what felt like hours, they all sat in the waiting room. Derek didn’t know what made him do it, but he couldn’t stand being away from both his loves so he pulled JJ over and held her on his lap. She snuggled in and started to cry into his neck while she kissed the skin her tears were wetting. 

Garcia smiled, and snapped a picture of the two to show Spencer when he woke up.

When a nurse they hadn’t met yet came out, she apologized to them all for the long wait. She then started to explain the blood and how it wasn’t as serious as it seems. He’d been sick multiple times while at the hospital and most likely before he got there as well, that mixed with having nothing in his stomach for days caused ulcers to form in his stomach lining. It was uncomfortable and gross but fixable. Most of the blood was actually from his nose bleeding. 

“If his vitals are holding strong in the morning we will take him into surgery to fix the ulcers.” The nurse said calmly, “And if his nose keeps bleeding the way it is we will cauterize the ruptured capillaries tonight to protect his lungs. We're not too worried about the minimal blood loss at this moment. There is some fluid in his lungs and we don’t want his nosebleed to add to that. It wouldn't be too bad but we want to take as many steps to prevent Pneumonia as we can.”

JJ was already listening through a fog, her anxiety taking over and muting the world around her. But when she heard the doctor say something about Pneumonia she lost it. Her whole body started shaking again and he felt like she was going to puke. 

“Can we see him?” Derek asked, his grip on JJ’s shoulder tightening.

“Not right now, I don’t want the infection in his lungs getting worse.” The nurse sighed, “As I said, he runs a high risk of developing Pneumonia.”

Derek nodded, “Is he awake?”

She shook her head, “His body is too exhausted. He’s most likely going to sleep for a while.”

“Is he going to be okay?” Gideon asked, his voice shaking more than the team had ever heard before.

“We’re optimistic.”

“What about the blood?” Garcia asked. “Why was there so much blood? Will it happen again? Surgery isn’t good for him if he’s so exhausted. Aren’t you just adding the hurt with surgery?”

“While there was a lot of trauma to his torso and abdomen, surgery isn’t going to do any damage.” The nurse spoke softly yet direct as she gave them all the information, “I know it sounds scary, but he’s stable now, we are taking care of his stomach and if there are no further complications we will be moving him to a recovery room after his surgery.” 

“Complications?” JJ choked out. 

The nurse gave a reassuring smile and continued, “He’s doing better already. I know you’ve heard a lot of scary things, and I know I’m a new face, but I’ve read over his charts and spoke with his doctors and the other nurses, he really is doing better than everyone expected. I think it’s just a lot of exhaustion now making him not able to bounce back as fast as we would like. But don’t lose hope okay?”

“Thank you.” Hotch said as the rest of the team processed what was going on. 

“He’s been through so much.” Garcia cried. “And it’s still not over.”

She was too right. 

The surgery went almost as planned the next morning, the only complication was the weakness in his lungs. He was left on the ventilator after surgery to give his lungs a chance to recover. The ventilator was removed the following evening and he was moved to the recovery room a few hours later. He was still in and out of consciousness but he was doing better, as the nurse said. JJ and Derek slept in a cot next to his bed while the team went back to the hotel to sleep for the night, promising to bring JJ and Derek breakfast in the morning. 

The team stayed in Georgia while Spencer was in the hospital. The first day after he woke up, Spencer was groggy and in pain despite the constant IV of painkillers. The doctor’s concerns about him developing a worse infection had become real and he was fighting a nasty cold that JJ was sure was turning into Pneumonia.

“Can I use your shower when we get home?” Spencer asked JJ on his third morning of being in the recovery room. 

“What?” JJ thought he’d been sleeping and was working on wrapping up the case from hell. 

“When we get back home, can I use your shower?” He asked again, “You have the best water pressure, and the tallest shower head. Plus, I like your shampoo.”

“Of course.” JJ nodded, “We can just stay at my place for a while if you’d like.”

“Derek too?” 

JJ nodded again, “Of course.”

He seemed happy with her response and moved on to his next task, opening his jello.

Outside, Derek was on the phone with his mom. He had called her the night Spencer was taken, and had been keeping her updated the whole time. 

“He’s doing better, he still has his moments of making absolutely no sense, but they are happening less and less,” Derek told his mother. 

“Is it from the concussion?”

“His doctors say it's probably a combination of his concussion, the pain meds he’s on, and his oxygen levels,” Derek sighed. 

“His oxygen levels?" Fran’s voice held shock and confusion, “Still?”

“He’s got a lung infection now.” Derek wiped his hand down his face, “But, it’s not pneumonia… so that’s good, I guess.”

“Are the antibiotics working at all?” 

Derek sighed again, “Yeah, Mama, that’s why I’m so worried. If he still got a lung infection while on these antibiotics, what else can happen?”

“Okay, first we have to remember his body is fighting a lot right now.” Fran started to calm her son, knowing he was once again on the verge of a panic attack, “And you said he hasn't been sleeping well?”

“Barley at all.” Derek let a tear fall from his eye, “The only real sleep he gets is when they knock him out with a sedative or he maxes out his pain meds.”

“He’s been through a trauma, Bear,” Fran reminded him softly. “He doesn’t just have to heal his body, but his mind too. That takes a lot out of a person.”

“I know, Mama, but he should be getting better!”

“Derek, take a breath.” She waited to hear her son do as she told him, “Now, tell me what you said when we first started talking about this.”

“He’s doing better?”

“He’s doing better,” Fran echoed. “He’s only been out of the ICU for three days, he’s not gonna be 100% overnight.”

“I know… I know.” Derek sighed, “I’m just worried.”

“As you should be,” Fran agreed. “You guys are so close… I’m worried for him and I’ve only met him once.”

Derek smiled at that. He hadn’t told his mom that they were dating yet, all she knew was that he, JJ, and Spencer spent a lot of time together. Even though he was planning on bringing them to Christmas this year and had already cleared it with his mom, everyone in his family thought it was because JJ and Spencer were basically orphans and didn’t have a family to spend the holidays with. His sisters, and his mother too, know that JJ and Spencer are in a relationship, and just assume Derek is their best friend. Which he is… but he’s also more. 

“How’s JJ holding up?” Fran asked, “How’s her arm?”

“The infection is gone, stitches come out in a few days.” Derek had a schedule of everything in his mind and written down. 

JJ took her last antibiotic that morning. Spencer has a physical therapy consultation for his wrists tomorrow morning. JJ’s stitches come out Thursday and they will look at her arm again to make sure it’s healing right. Spencer has an appointment with a lung specialist Friday afternoon and is hopefully going to be released on Saturday, but the way his lungs are looking it looks like he’ll be in the hospital until at least Sunday. 

“When do you think you’ll be able to fly home?” She asked. 

“Hopefully Monday,” Derek sighed for the millionth time since he called his mom. “But Spence has to be able to breathe without an oxygen mask so his lungs have to be stronger. So I’m betting not before Wednesday. The whole team is staying here though, we’ll be flying back together.”

“Are you all taking time off?” 

“Garcia is helping the local cops here revamp their computers and software and other tech things.” Derek told her, “Prentiss and Gideon are consulting on some cases, Hotch flew back last night to deal with the bureau and paperwork and so he could spend time with Jack and Haley. But he left the jet so Spence could be more comfortable, and because flying on the jet by himself seemed a bit narcissistic.” 

He couldn’t help but laugh at the connection between what he just said and what led them to finding Spencer. 

His phone beeped, altering him he was getting another call, so he said goodbye to his mom. He wasn’t surprised JJ was calling him, he’d been gone for a while. 

“What’s up Jayje?” He answered, a bit of panic creeping in as he thought about what could have happened to Spencer while he was gone. 

“It’s Spencer,” His boy corrected. “JJ is asleep.”

“Oh, hi Pretty Boy.”

“Hi,” His voice sounded raw and Morgan could tell something was off. 

“What’s wrong?” Morgan held the phone closer to his ear as he started making his way to the front door of the hospital. 

“I want to go home.” Spencer whispered, “I don’t want to be here anymore.”

“I know, we’re going home soon.” Derek picked up his pace a little when he heard a sniffle from the other end of the phone, “What else is bothering you?”

“I don’t know,” He sounded frustrated. “Where are you?”

“Down the hall,” Derek replied quickly. “Almost to you.”

“Try not to wake JJ,” The line went dead. 

Luckily he was at the door to Spencer's room when he hung up and didn’t have to worry too much about his boy. Well, he didn’t have to worry until he saw Spencer sitting in the middle of his bed, tears streaming down his face, hand on his IV ready to pull it out. 

“No, Spence, leave that in,” Derek was at his side in a flash, his hand covering Spencer’s cold one and holding it from pulling the port out. “You need the medicine in this.”

“I don't want it,” Spencer shook his head. “Please.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Derek kissed his temple, not moving his hand yet. “Can you tell me why you don’t want it?”

Spencer let out a sob, “I want to go home.”

“I know, but you gotta heal a little more before we can,” Derek spoke softly, trying to soothe the crying man. “And you can only heal if you leave this IV in. Okay?”

Spencer took a moment but finally nodded and relaxed his hand under Dereks. Derek didn’t move his hand though, he just waited until his boy calmed down and stopped crying. He then sat on the bed and brushed some hair out of Spencer’s face. 

“Hi,” Spencer whispered. 

Derek smiled at him, “Hi.” 

“I’m sorry,” He looked down at his hands, causing his hair to fall back in his face. “I don’t know why I did that.”

“It’s okay,” Derek cooed, scooting closer. “You don’t have to be sorry. You’re still healing.”

“But I don’t have to act crazy while I’m healing.”

“Hey, don’t ever call my boyfriend crazy,” Derek smirked. “You know, a wise woman told me it takes a lot out of a person to heal both physical and mental wounds. So I think you get a pass for behaving abnormally.”

Spencer smiled, “How is your mom?”

“Good, she can’t wait to see you at Christmas.” Derek smiled wider and grabbed Spencer’s hand, “I can’t wait to tell her you’re my boyfriend.”

“And JJ.”

“JJ’s not my boyfriend,” Derek chuckled. “I’ll be telling Ma that JJ’s my girlfriend silly.”

“No, I know-” Spencer glared at his boyfriend and shook his head, “Never mind.”

“How’s your head?”

He shrugged, making Derek wince at his shoulder as he did so, “Foggy, frustrating, hurts a bit” 

“Stop shrugging, you’re not even supposed to be sitting up.” 

“I’m fine, it doesn't even hurt.” 

“That’s because of the nice drugs they put in your IV,” Derek smirked. "Hence, why you need to leave it in.”

Spencer raised his hands slightly in surrender, “Got it, IV port stays in.” 

Derek noticed how tired the young man looked. He wasn’t sure if the purple under his eyes were from lack of sleep or if they were actually bruised from the two and half days of torture he went through then the multiple surgeries and sleepless nights in the hospital that followed. Just as he was about to ask Spencer if he wanted to try some sleeping medicine, a huge yawn forced its way out of the young man. 

He gasped a bit when he was finished then looked at Derek as his eyes drooped, “Play with my hair?”

Derek nodded, something about the look on Spencer's face mixed with the tone of his voice and his request made tears gather in Derek’s eyes. He glanced to where JJ had fallen asleep on the small cot next to Spencer’s bed and grabbed a spare blanket to throw over her before turning off the lights in the room and sitting back down on Spencer's bed. 

“Get comfortable, Kid.” Derek spoke softly. 

“Will you lie with me?” Spencer asked, “There’s room, and I’m not in pain now so moving a little bit won't hurt and I’ll sleep better if you are next to me.”

“Alright, move slow and let me help,” Derek basically moved Spencer by himself, his boy had lost weight while in the barn, and then even more while in the ICU. It worried him, but the doctors were monitoring him and his nurse didn’t seem too worried, especially with all the Jello he was consuming. 

“I’m really sorry you guys had to go through all that,” Spencer whispered as he fell asleep against Derek’s chest. “But I’m really glad you’re here.”

Derek was at a loss for words. There was so much to unpack and he didn’t know where to start. He didn’t know how to tell Spencer he’d go through the whole thing again if it meant he’d get to spend just five more minutes with him. He didn’t know how to tell his boy he wished none of this ever happened. He didn’t know how to make Spencer understand that he was the one who went through something more terrible than any of them could understand and that he didn’t have to be sorry for what they all went through because it doesn’t compare to what happened to him. He didn’t know how to say any of it. So he kissed his boyfriend’s forehead and held him close. 


	3. Part Three

Derek’s anxiety rose higher and higher as they worked on Spencer’s discharge paperwork. Spencer had sent both JJ and Derek to get him clothes and pack their stuff in the hotel room, stating he wanted to be out of Georgia as soon as physically possible. While the team was getting ready to go, Spencer went over his medications and what to do to continue his recovery. 

Getting to the plane was the worst for Derek, he watched as every small bump the tires hit caused pain to flair somewhere in Spencer. He hid it well but everyone knew he was in pain. He kept his eyes closed for most of the drive, content to let Gideon drive while Derek and JJ sat in the backseat watching their boy. 

Once on the plane, after an excruciatingly slow climb up the stairs, Spencer collapsed onto the couch. JJ sat next to him, pillowing his head on her lap. Derek hesitated for a moment, torn between wanting to sit and comfort his boyfriend, and not wanting to give away the fact he was also dating them to Prentiss. 

“Derek?” Spencer croaked out, his eyes squeezed shut, “My foot.”

It was obvious that he was in pain, but it was hard to determine what was the cause of his pain. His foot wasn’t the most obvious thing for them. The bruises and stitches and bandages is what they were focused on, thinking his concussion, or dislocated shoulder, or strained wrists, or his infected lungs or any of the numerous internal damage he faced was the cause of his pain. But the foot that rested on the couch cushion with a soft removable brace over his sock and in his shoe was the worst at that moment. 

“How can I help?” Derek asked, noting that Prentiss and Garcia had stepped closer. 

“Make sure it doesn’t move?” Spencer gasped out, “Elevate.”

“Okay,” Derek made quick but extremely careful work of lifting Spencer’s legs, sitting down, and holding them on his lap. 

“Do you want ice?” Garcia asked, “Or can you have another pain killer? Is that elevated enough or do you want a pillow?” 

“Pillow,” Spencer nodded. “Ice.”

“No pain killer?” JJ asked softly as she brushed his hair from his forehead. 

He shook his head, “Four hours.” 

The plane ride was too long and there was too much turbulence, but Spencer luckily slept through most of it. Derek and JJ held him the entire time, making sure he wasn’t jostled too much. 

Throughout the flight, Derek’s paranoia of Prentiss finding out they were in a relationship slowly started to fade as he watched her constantly checking up on the youngest member of their team. Especially when Prentiss came over with some water and offered it to him. 

“It’s nice that you all love him so much,” She kept her voice quiet so she wouldn’t disturb Spencer if he was really sleeping. “I’ve been on a lot of teams that aren’t like this.”

“They’re all my family,” Derek admitted easily. “It’s easy to love these people.”

“I agree. I haven’t been here more than a minute and I already am closer with you guys than I was with any of my other teams.” Prentiss smiled sadly at Reid, “I know these past few days have been hard for all of you... if you want to talk about it or anything or need a distraction, I’m here.”

Derek smiled, “Thank you.”

“Is he staying with you when we get back?” Prentiss asked. She assumed he’d probably stay with JJ but with the both of them healing, it seemed like a better idea for him or both of them to stay with Derek. 

“We’re both crashing at JJ’s,” Derek hoped it was vague enough for her not to ask too many questions. 

“He’s lucky to have you guys.”

“We’re lucky to have him,” Derek replied automatically.

Prentiss considered his words for a minute then shook her head, “He really is the best of us, isn’t he?”

Derek shrugged, “That’s what we all think.”

“It shows,” Prentiss smiled and stood. “Call me if you need anything.”

He nodded and watched her walk over to where Gideon was sitting. If she suspected anything, she wasn’t letting on that she did. Admittedly, it wouldn’t be the end of the world if she did know about them, most of the team knew about them, even if not officially. 

It was fairly common knowledge that JJ and Spencer were dating. Hotch had sent them to HR to fill out some paperwork and make it official, and other teams and departments gossiped that “the hot secretary of the BAU was dating the tall nerd”, but they didn’t flaunt it. It wasn’t a secret but they hadn’t announced it. JJ and Spencer didn’t want to be “official” without Derek. 

Derek was comfortable with being known as their third wheel, and over protective best friend. No one questioned when he stayed over at their house, or they stayed over at his house. Or when they all went out to lunch or came in together. 

It was pretty clear that when he told Prentiss he and Spencer were staying with JJ, she assumed it was because he wanted to help. Which was true, in part. 

Getting home was another unfortunate adventure. 

Spencer had woken up just before the flight was over with a scream. The scream not only embarrassed him, but hurt his lungs and abused torso. He had a nightmare. The nightmare, however, didn’t end when he woke up. He was still broken and beaten and scared even when awake. He may have escaped the barn and left Georgia physically, but his mind still took him back there. 

JJ was quick to sooth him, which helped him calm faster than usual. She was right there and was the first thing he saw when his eyes snapped open. 

He smiled at her, even with tears pouring out of his eyes, and his breath coming out in short painful gasps. With a shaking hand he reached up and cupped her cheek. Everyone on the plane could see how much he loved her. 

Getting him off the plane proved to be harder than getting him on, mainly due to him being in more pain and more exhausted than when they were boarding. Derek and Prentiss ended up practically carrying him off the plane while Garcia, JJ and Gideon grabbed the bags. 

Derek was grateful for Prentiss being there and somehow being able to distract him from some of the pain and help him not feel so embarrassed. She was good with him. Somehow she understood how his mind worked and could work with him easily. 

Derek couldn’t understand what they were saying, but he knew a joke when he heard one, even if it was in a language he couldn’t place. The laugh that bubbled out of his boy as they got to the car was enough to make his heart burst. After everything he’d been through, even when he was in so much pain, Spencer Reid could still laugh. 

The drive to JJ’s was worse than the drive to the airport. Spencer was starting to feel sick and couldn’t shake the fear and overwhelming urge to give up, shut down and cry until he passed out. He did cry, silently at first, with his eyes closed and his head pressed back into the headrest. A sob got caught in his throat and the gasp that broke it free set off a wave of loud broken howls that left his lungs aching. 

Neither JJ nor Derek knew what to do to help their boy, so they stayed quiet and let him cry. He hadn’t cried like that yet, not when they found him, not in the hospital, not on the plane. He’d been relatively stoic since they got him back. Though, that could have been due to the combination of shock and pain meds. 

He was quiet after he finished crying, not a calm quiet, not content quiet. An early quiet that was so unlike the man they loved. Derek gripped the steering wheel a little tighter and new silent tears rolled down JJ’s cheeks. 

For the next few days, Spencer didn’t say much. He’d flinch when one of them touched him, small whimpers would escape his lips when there was a loud noise, screams would wake them all up in the middle of the night, but he didn’t say more than yes, no and sorry. JJ was beginning to worry they lost their boy forever, but Derek could tell, even just subconsciously, that Spencer was processing what happened and would come back to them soon. 

It was like someone flipped a light switch one day and Spencer was back to being almost his usual self. He whined about not having coffee and asked for books and started to give ling detailed facts and information when asked. He wasn’t completely back to being himself but he was back enough. 

Spencer sat in the middle of JJ’s bed. Derek was in her kitchen, making food, and JJ was taking a shower. It was one of the first times he’d been alone in the room since they got back. It was nice, they wanted to be helpful and he was sure they were not ready to let him out of their sights. They were both sure to let him know when it was time to take another pill, whether it was a pain reliever or an antibiotic or an anti-inflammatory or an anti nausea pill or his PEP… they still didn’t know he was taking that. 

They thought it was one of his antibiotics.

He hadn’t told them much about what happened in the barn when they couldn’t see him on the monitor, and he didn’t really want to. He also didn’t want them to know what he was starting to think happened during the times he was blacked out and couldn’t remember. 

It made him feel guilty. 

“Alright, time for your meds, Pretty Boy,” Derek smiled as he walked into his bedroom. “Looks like we’ve gotta fill up the days again.”

Garcia had bought him a small container that held his medications. There were time slots and the days of the week and all he had to do was fill the little boxes with his pills and take them at the time on the lids. 

“I can do it,” Spencer said, his doctor had done it with him before he left and he hadn’t needed to refill it yet. 

“You were just talking about how your hands are sore,” Derek shook his head. “At least let me help you. You tell me where the pills go and I’ll put them there. I just washed my hands too so you don’t have to worry.”

“I wasn’t,” Spencer shrugged. 

He went through and told Derek when he needed to take each pill and watched as Derek carefully put each pill where it needed to go. He didn’t ask questions about the pills either which Spencer was thankful for. He didn’t know how he was going to explain the PEP. Well he did. He’d tell them “Tobias used a dirty needle on me, and I think he also fucked me but I can’t be sure because I was blacked out on Dilaudid” or something to that effect. But… he didn’t want to tell them. 

“Oooo, Spence, look at our girl!” Derek whistled when JJ walked out of the bathroom in a pair of Spencer’s boxers and a tank top. “We are two very lucky men.”

Spencer agreed and smiled when JJ came to sit on the bed with them. 

“What are we doing here?” JJ asked, ignoring her boys’ comments. 

Spencer sighed, “Sorting my pills.”

“How are your hands feeling?” JJ asked.

He shrugged, “Still sore, not as sore as my foot though.”

“We could take your mind off it, if you want,” JJ offered in a voice he’d not heard since before the case. It was her ‘I’m offering a blow job’ voice, and it awoke parts of him he didn’t think would work so soon and on so many different medications. 

“She’s right,” Derek practically purred as he put the now full and sorted container of pills on the nightstand. “We’ll be gentle and you don’t have to do a thing.”

Oh how he wants it. 

“No,” Spencer regretted the way he said it immediately but he needed them to know. 

“Oh…” JJ didn’t look upset or disappointed, more worried than anything. 

“But, I’d love to watch if you two want to put on a show.” Spencer added, “Just help me to the chair over there and you guys can have the bed.”

“But…” Derek furrowed his brow, “You’d be so far away.”

Spencer nodded, “Yes.”

“We don’t have to do anything if you’re not up to it,” JJ said. “I just wanted to put the offer out there.”

“I appreciate it and will definitely take you up on it in about two weeks,” Spencer replied. 

“Why two weeks?” Derek asked. 

_ Fuck  _

“Uh… that’s how long I have to take one of my medications.”

“Okay?” Derek looked to JJ but she was just staring at their boyfriend. 

“What is the medication for?” 

“To prevent… a virus.” 

JJ narrowed her eyes, her chest tightening as she thought about what he was saying, “What’s the medication?”

“What?” 

“What’s it called.” JJ asked, wincing at the hardness in her voice. “Sorry, I’m not mad, I’m just worried I jumped to the worst-case scenario.”

“I don’t think it was too much of a jump,” Spencer whispered. 

“It’s what I think it is… isn’t it?” JJ whispered back, “PEP?”

He nodded, “I’m sorry.”

“What is it?” Derek asked his heart racing. 

“PEP,” JJ spoke louder but her voice was still soft. 

“Post Exposure Prophylaxis,” Spencer said at the same time. 

“Exposure to what?” Derek looked lost and scared. 

JJ moved closer to Spencer’s side and laid down next to him, pulling him into her arms. She whispered something in Spencer’s ear that Derek couldn’t hear and Spencer nodded, putting his arm around her as she settled in. 

Spencer then looked at his boyfriend, “Der-”

“Exposure to what?” Derek repeated, tears pricking at his eyes. 

Spencer looked down and whispered, “HIV.” 

“What?”

“HIV.” Spencer repeated himself louder this time. 

“No, I heard what you said…” Derek shook his head, “You were exposed to HIV?”

“It’s no different than JJ having to get the rabies vaccine, or my tetanus shots,” Spencer claimed, though he knew he was wrong. “I just… don’t want to possibly expose you guys.”

“Did they catch it in time?” JJ asked. “You were there-”

“Nothing… happened the first day… I was well within the 72 hrs,” Spencer shuttered unwillingly and let a tear slip from his eye. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” JJ asked, whipping his tears. 

“I didn’t tell you… I didn’t know how to tell you.” He let out a cough, “I didn’t want to tell you.”

“What did he do to you?”

Spencer’s head shot up and he locked teary eyes with Derek, “What?” 

“Did he…” Derek couldn’t continue, he felt sick. 

“I don’t know,” Spencer shook his head, fully sobbing now. “I’m sorry! I’m so sor-sorry! I don’t know! I’m sorry!”

“Spence, calm down, it’s okay,” JJ sat up and tried to calm him. “Spencer, it’s okay.”

“Spencer, listen to JJ, calm down, take a breath,” Derek spoke softly but firmly, he was surprised when Spencer grabbed his arm with such force. “Calm down… breath kid.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, you’re safe now, Pretty Boy,” Derek soothed. 

Once Spencer was still and only silent tears ran down his cheeks, Derek and JJ let go and looked him over, making sure he didn’t reinjure himself. 

“I’m sorry,” He whispered again, this time talking about the episode he’d just had. 

“Don’t be sorry,” Derek whispered. “We’re here for you.”

“Always,” JJ added, kissing his cheek. 

“You said you don’t remember?” Derek spoke cautiously. 

Spencer nodded, “There are parts of it that are just blank, and some that are foggy.” 

“You had a pretty nasty concussion,” Derek said. “You were probably out of it for some of it.”

Spencer let them believe that was the reason he couldn’t remember everything that happened. He wanted to let himself believe that was the reason too. He wanted to believe that he just had a bad concussion and would be fine in a few days. He wanted to forget what happened in the barn and the hospital after. He wanted to go back to planning the romantic weekend they’d missed. He wanted to be able to say he was fine and didn’t feel the itch in the crease of his elbow and the fire under his skin when he went a little too long between pain meds.

Sexual trauma, they could deal with. They’ve been working with Derek and helping him heal since he was arrested in Chicago. They’d often talked about the sexual harassment JJ faced at the bureau, and what growing up in a small town with a dead older sister and absent parents led to. Hell, they’d even talked about how most of Spencer’s “relationships” had technically been statutory rape. As sad as it is, they were well equipped to deal with sexual trauma. 

After Derek had given him his pain pills, he cuddled up on Spencer’s side opposite JJ. Spencer’s mind raced as he lay, sandwiched between the two people he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. 

_ They don’t need this. Not the drugs. Not the trauma. Not me…  _

“Are you comfortable?” Derek asked, his arms slowly finding their way around Spencer, “Is this okay?” 

He nodded, “Yeah, just careful of my chest.” 

He was still bruised and sore from the compressions and the ache in his lungs. 

“Let me know if you get uncomfortable or something starts hurting, okay?” Derek requested, assuming correctly that Spencer would keep quiet.

Spencer agreed and snuggled himself deeper into the embrace of Derek and JJ. He was warm and safe there. In their arms he felt nothing but love. He was so glad to be home. 

_ Home _ .

_ They are my home.  _


	4. Part Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: drug use

As the days went on, the three healed. Derek finally allowed himself to have JJ and Spencer out of his sight for longer periods of time. JJ’s overwhelming guilt dissipated a bit as Spencer got stronger. His wrists were aching less and he could finally hold his coffee mug for himself, he could walk without wearing the soft ankle brace, he could breathe and laugh and cuddle without his ribs and sternum protesting. The bruising that covered so much of his body had faded almost completely and most the stitches in the deeper wounds had been removed.

They had all been forced to take varying amounts of time off and couldn’t come back until they passed a psych evaluation, which they could all do anyway. Spencer had been given the most amount of time off, originally six months, but he fought that and got it down to three months out of the field. Hotch had to negotiate with and for him. He placated the higher ups with promises to evaluate Spencer regularly and have him attending counseling sessions every week. But Spencer still had to recover fully before he could go back to work. He decided for himself that that would be when his final stitches came out, much to everyone else's dismay. 

JJ was given a month and a half, mainly due to the fact that she is not a trained field agent and while she is not a civilian she is not an official profiler. She also needed to heal and attend counseling sessions, though not as many as Spencer. 

Because the whole team had gone through something traumatic and the Bureau didn’t want one of them to snap in the field, or worse, in the office, they all got two weeks off. Not that any of them really minded. Hotch got to spend more time with his family and Gideon took the time to go up to his cabin and work things out for himself and try to get on better terms with his son.

Garcia called at least once a day and would come over and drop off cookies or dinner depending on if Spencer had a doctor’s appointment or a physical therapy appointment or a therapy session. 

JJ and Derek had started going on runs in the mornings again. They would wake Spencer up to take his pills, then get ready and go on their run. Like most days after their run, the trio was still laying in JJ’s bed. Derek’s phone started to buzz on the bedside table and he smiled when he saw it was Garcia. 

“Hey, Mama, let me put you on speaker,” he greeted. 

“Hi!” JJ leaned over Spencer to yell into the speaker. 

“Good morning,” Spencer smiled. 

“Good morning to my three favorite love bugs!” Garcia’s voice washed over them feeling somehow like sunshine peeking through the curtains. 

“What’s up, Baby Girl?” Derek asked.

“I wanted to ask you guys something. Mainly my genius, but I guess since you guys are there too…” Garcia teased, “And you can totally say no, I understand, I just wanted to know if you are feeling up to dinner tonight? I’ll take care of everything and we can have whatever you want. The team really misses you guys and I really miss you guys and we need a family night. But, again, if you’re not up to it then that’s fine! We all understand, and don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to.”

Spencer smiled, “I’d love that.” 

“Really?” Garcia questioned excitedly, “Because, I know you’re on a lot of meds that probably make you sleepy, and you need rest.”

“It’s been almost a month,” Spencer reminded her, “I’m doing a lot better and I’d love to see all of you.”

“Okay! Great!” Garcia clapped, “JJ, you good with us all coming over?” 

“Yeah, of course,” JJ smiled and kissed the side of Spencer’s head, “Anything that makes my boy happy.” 

“I second that,” Derek chimed in.

“Great! I’ll tell everyone six? And I’ll be there at five to help get everything ready?” Garcia planned, “How’s that work for you?”

“Perfect,” JJ said. 

Spencer dozed off while the others talked, and didn’t wake up until Derek sat beside him on the bed rubbing his back and the smell of coffee. He was fully dressed in a t-shirt and jeans. 

“Nightmare?” He asked, thinking the only reason either of his lovers would wake him was because he was once again screaming in his sleep. 

“No, Baby Boy,” Derek chuckled, “We gotta get ready for your appointment.”

“That’s today?” 

Derek nodded and kissed his forehead, “Yep, Jayje is in the shower so I have the glorious task of waking you up again.”

“Coffee?”

“Of course,” Derek helped him sit up, even though he didn’t really need the help, and placed the mug in his hands. “Sweatpants and my sweatshirt okay?”

Spencer shrugged. 

Derek paused getting the clothes out for Spencer and looked at him with concern. His boy could be tired, he’d been sleeping a lot and they hadn’t really woken him up for anything other than nightmares and to take pills since they got him back. But the lack of care and just pure resignation didn’t sit well with Derek. 

“What’s up?” He asked, moving back to sit on the bed. 

“Nothing, just tired,” Spencer tried but Derek could see right through him.

“Spence, please, you can tell me anything,” Derek practically begged. It had been a hard couple of days for Spencer. Even though he was physically getting better he seemed more depressed and withdrawn than ever before. Both JJ and Derek were having trouble getting him to admit when he was hungry let alone when something big was bothering him. 

“I know.” 

“Then tell me what’s wrong?” Derek gently put his hand on Spencer’s leg. 

Spencer sighed and looked away, he was frustrated, Derek could see it in the way his jaw clenched and his fingers twitched. The crease in his forehead and the way he pulled his lower lip between his teeth told Derek his boy was also nervous. 

“I- today,” Spencer took a breath and looked down at his coffee, “I- uh… I’m getting tested again today… to see if-if… if the medication is working.”

It took a moment but Derek got it. His heart sank and sped up as he looked at the pure fear in Spencer’s eyes. He was on PEP for a reason, they hadn’t had sex since before the case for a reason, there was a reason Spencer was so frustrated and scared. There was a reason his boy was scared to touch him, to kiss him, to sleep in the same bed, share food or drinks, or take a shower with them. Spencer was scared for Derek and JJ and wanted to keep them safe. 

“We’ll be okay,” Derek told him before his mind caught up with his mouth. “No matter what the outcome. We will be fine.” 

“If I-” Spencer stopped himself with a shake of his head, “If it didn’t work… we can’t-”

“We’ll figure it out.”

“Der, we can’t- I can’t hurt you!”

Derek surged forward and pulled him into a hug, “You could never.”

Spencer sniffled into his shoulder but didn’t cry, he hadn’t cried for a while. JJ and Derek were starting to worry, they both had cried multiple times, but Spencer’s tears had dried up and all he did was let out dry choked sobs in the middle of night. JJ planned on asking his doctor if he was dehydrated. 

He calmed down a bit after he drank his coffee while leaning against Derek, but he was still fidgety and quiet. Derek was at a loss when JJ came out of the bathroom and furrowed her brows at her boys. 

“Hey Spence, do you wanna leave early so we can get coffee on the way?” JJ asked, making her way over to the bed. 

He nodded but stayed quiet, not looking at her until she was kneeling in front of him. When she finally caught his eyes she smiled. He tried to smile, he’s been good about trying to smile even when he didn’t feel like it. He knew Derek and JJ needed to see him at least trying, so he did. 

At their boyfriend’s request, Derek and JJ waited in the waiting room during his appointment. While they didn’t like leaving him alone, they didn’t push him to let them stay with him. They had to pick their battles with him at the moment he’d been short with them more than usual and so stubborn about things lately that they were getting into the habit of just going along with what he wanted, even if they didn’t like it. 

JJ watched Derek out of the corner of her eye as they waited for Spencer. Derek’s knee hadn't stopped bouncing the whole time. His figures twisted together and apart repeatedly.

“Whatcha thinking about?” She asked, leaning over to bump his arm. 

“Something was off about him this morning,” Derek kept his eyes trained forward. 

“He was tired, and worried about the tests.”

“It’s more than that, JJ. I know you feel it too,” Derek shook his head. “We’re losing him.”

“We’re not losing him!” She kept her voice quiet but firm. “We are getting him back, there’s a difference.”

He looked at her with fear disguised as anger, “You think he’s getting better? Really?”

“He’s recovering from a traumatic event, he’s gonna have good days and bad days,” JJ insisted. “He’s doing better, he goes to therapy every week and goes to the trauma meetings or whatever at least three nights a week.”

Derek scoffed, “Like those meetings help.”

“What, you think he should stop going?” 

“Jayje, he comes home worse than when he left!” Derek chuckled humorlessly. “He’s more withdrawn each time and he won’t let us touch him for hours after.”

“Der… he’s healing.” 

“He’s slipping away!” He slammed his fist down on the chair next to him and sighed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t- We can’t lose him JJ, I can’t lose him.”

“You’re not losing him,” JJ wrapped her arm around his shoulders, her fingers gently rubbing the back of his neck. “He’s distancing himself from us because he thought he was never going to see us again, he’s hurting because he mourned us already, just like we did him. He had no control over his situation and needs some control right now. If that control comes in the form of him telling us to wait out here or going to his trauma victim therapy group alone or taking a shower with the door locked… we need to give that to him.”

When Derek finally looked at her again he had tears in his eyes, “I almost lost you both… I was so alone… I’m so- I’m so alone.”

His admission brought a sob out of his chest and he buried his face in JJ’s shoulder. They had sobbed in so may waiting waiting rooms lately it seemed like the only place the two could cry openly. JJ held him, humming as he sobbed. 

“You’re not alone, I got you,” She told him repeatedly. “I’m here. I got you.”

JJ held her crying boyfriend tight, his body shaking against hers as sobs rattled his body. While she hated how broken her boyfriend felt, she relished in being able to hold Derek. She had been feeling a wall between them for a while, since he found her in the barn if she was being completely honest. After his anger and blame dissipated, they were still focusing solely on Spencer, not giving time to heal their own cracking relationship. 

“Derek?” An unsure voice called them both out of their grief bubble. 

JJ’s heart dropped when she looked up and through the tears in her own eyes saw Spencer standing in front of them. A piece of paper held loosely in his hand. He was pale and had unshed tears in his eyes. Getting a good look at him under the harsh lights of the waiting room made everything she’d been trying to ignore stand out. The way his eyes looked bruised from lack of sleep, his cheekbones that were sharpened by his hollow cheeks, his prominent collar bone that stuck out underneath the oversized sweatshirt. He was eating less than he did before and it was starting to show. 

“Hey, Pretty Boy,” Derek plastered a smile on his face as he pulled himself together. “Ready to go?”

Spencer nodded robotically and started to walk to the car. 

He’d heard them. 

Spencer didn’t talk the whole way home. He sat in the back of the car and leaned against the window until they came to a stoplight. 

“Turn up there,” Spencer said. 

“Spence, we’re going back to my place,” JJ tried to keep her voice light, but she was worried and by the way Derek’s hands tightened on the wheel so was he. 

“I know, the team is coming over,” Spencer nodded. “But I’d like some time alone, Garcia will come pick me up on her way to your place. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine for a few hours.”

“Why?” Derek’s voice was choked with tears. 

Spencer just smiled and calmly said, “You two need some time alone and I need to take a nap and charge up for tonight. Don’t worry, I’m probably just going to sleep for a few hours, maybe read.”

“You sure?” Derek asked. 

Spencer smirked, “I’ll even let you make me lunch before you leave, if it’ll make you feel better.”

“Deal.”

After eating half his sandwich, Spencer watched as JJ and Derek left. He could tell they were going to have sex, he wanted them to, they needed it. He smiled and waved as they left to get what they needed. He then grabbed his shoes, wallet, and keys and left to get what he needed. 

The short walk to the gas station was enough to make him winded, but the itch under his skin spurred him on. As he waited he decided to text Penelope, their simple, not very cryptic, not hard to crack code, ‘ **If I was to obtain, would you want to partake?** ’. To which she immediately replied, ‘ **If you’re offering, of course ;)** ’. The transaction was easy, aside from the strange look he got when the dilaudid was placed in his palm alongside the marijuana and he was back home within half an hour. 

With trembling fingers he opens his kit. It’s new, basically unused. The need for it had been kept at bay with the multiple prescriptions his doctors prescribed him, but those prescriptions were gone, and asking for a refill would draw too many questions. The trembling didn’t stop until the room started to swim. Gravity pushed him back and pulled him against his mattress, holding him there with nothing to do but stare at his ceiling. 

_ Confess! _

_ Choose! _

_ Devil! _

_ Heathen!  _

_ Confess! _

_ Confess! _

_ CONFESS! _

A buzzing brought him out of his mind, breaking the choppy words shouted at him from a voice he wished he’d never hear again. He was swimming through syrup as he tried to find the source of the buzzing. With uncoordinated movements his numb figures found his phone. It was Garcia. 

“Hello?” He answered, trying to sound more coherent than he was. 

“I woke you!” Garcia chided herself. “I knew you’d be sleeping, that’s why I called instead of knocking.”

“It’s alright,” He didn’t like how upset she sounded. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep, give me a second and I’ll let you in.”

“Take your time, Sweetie,” She chuckled. “Impromptu naps always leave me groggy.”

“Yeah,” He agreed as he cleaned up the evidence and hid his kit away in its vent. “Waking up lately has been… an experience.”

He didn’t mean to say that. 

“It’ll get better,” He could hear her sadness over the phone. 

“I haven’t even taken a shower yet,” He was thinking out loud as he went to open the door. 

“It’s alright, we’ve got time.” Garcia smiled when they were face to face. “Go take your shower, I’ll make some coffee.”

He hesitated for a moment, he hadn’t taken a real shower without JJ or Derek at least in the room or the adjacent room with the door open. He didn’t have trauma connected with the shower, but the thought of being alone in there… didn’t sit well. 

“... Would it be weird-” He stopped himself, he couldn’t ask this of her.

“Would what be weird?” 

“You don’t have to… but would it be weird if- would it be weird if I asked you to sit in here while I took a shower?” He rushed his words. “Like… you sit here, on my bed or in that chair and I leave the door open and take a shower, you would be turned away so you wouldn’t see any but we could still- I could still hear your voice.”

“Of course,” Her soft and somewhat relieved response startled him. “Why don’t you get me a book and I’ll read it to you while you shower.” 

She moved the chair in his room to the wall next to the bathroom door and sat facing her back to the shower. He was frozen for a moment, it wasn’t the response he expected. He didn’t know what he expected. 

The shower sobered him a bit and the drive in Garcia’s convertible was enough to bring him back to functioning. Garcia noticed the shift and smiled, thinking he was in a trauma induced slump.

In a way, he was. 

JJ and Derek looked more relaxed than he’d seen them in a while, it was nice to see. Derek’s smile had lost the ever present edge of sorrow that had dimmed the beam since he woke up in the hospital with Derek looking down at him with love, relief, and grief. The guilt that was laced in JJ’s every expression, action, and word had dissipated greatly, though hints of her heavy conscience still remain when she looks at Spencer.

They both are looking at him expectantly, like he announced “I have something to tell you!” yet he didn’t. It was disconcerting, the way his lovers’ eyes gazed at him, waiting for him to answer a question they hadn’t asked yet. Or did they?

“What?” He asked dumbly, his brain still muddied with the toxin in his bloodstream. 

JJ and Derek shared a look before JJ spoke, “You never… you never told us what your doctor said.” 

“Oh,” He shook his head and pulled the folded piece of paper out of his pocket. “Inconclusive.”

Pain and worry filled their faces. He didn’t mean to cause them more distress. 

“It’s not… bad,” He groaned, he hated not being able to comfort them. “As of right now- I don’t- I just have to get tested again in three months. The virus could be dormant right now, but we won't know until I get sick or I test negative.” 

“Will it be like this forever?” Derek asked. 

Spencer shook his head, “Three months.”

When the three entered the kitchen they found Garcia cooking. When she turned to greet them there were tears in her eyes. Derek, being Derek, was the first to comfort her. He wrapped her in a hug and let her cry into his chest. JJ was next, rubbing her arm and whispering comforts to her. Spencer wished he could do that, but he’d caused this. He caused all of this. He caused so much pain, so much trauma. And now, he caused Garcia’s tears. 

“I’m sorry,” He offered feebly. “You heard?”

“I didn’t mean to, I was just going to ask if you wanted red or white sauce for the pasta… but I heard,” Garcia admitted. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why- I shouldn’t be crying like this.”

“It’s okay,” Spencer suddenly found the words. “You can cry, it’s okay. We do it all the time. It’s an appropriate response when someone you love in pain, hurt or sick. You don’t need to apologize.”

“Are you?” She asked, sniffling a little but no longer sobbing. “Are you in pain, hurt or sick?”

“I think-” Spencer paused, the room waited in quiet anticipation for his response, “I think, in some ways, yes.”

Garcia nodded, she somehow understood him better than most. 

All tears had dried by the time the rest of the team got there. Prentiss was the first one to show up, eager to bond with her new team. She walked in, greeting everyone with a huge smile that was masking the anxiety she felt. She found JJ and Reid in the living room. They were cuddled together, JJ reading a book out loud while Reid rested his head on her shoulder, his eyes closed. 

“He asleep?” Prentiss whispered.

Reid answered, “No, just resting.” 

“That’s good,” She said, a soft awkward chuckle at the end. “How’re you feeling?”

He looked up at her and shrugged, “Better.”

“Well, that’s… good,” She was trying. 

“Can I get you something to drink?” JJ asked, taking charge of the conversation. 

“No, I’m alright,” Prentiss smiled. “The other’s been here long?”

“Morgan and JJ were here when I got here with Garcia,” Spencer supplied, raising slowly from the couch. “Hotch will probably be here later, he’s stopping at home to get Haley and Jack.”

“You gonna be up to entertaining Jack tonight?” JJ chuckled, turning her attention to Prentiss. “Jack loves him.”

“Much to Hotch’s surprise,” Reid added. 

“C’mon, you know he was always joking about the “Reid effect” right?” The involuntary flinch that coursed through Spencer’s body when JJ put her hand on his arm made him want to scream. 

“Yeah,” He said instead. “It’s just funny that the first baby who likes me is his.”

True to their words, as soon as the Hotchners were through the door, Jack was in Reid’s arms. Everyone else was surprised that not only did Prentiss join Reid and Jack on the floor while they were playing, but she was good with the young kid and actually enjoyed playing with his blocks. It was nice that another adult was hanging out with Jack and Reid. Usually, Garcia would join but she and JJ liked their alcohol and would more often than not end up drinking a bit too much to play with Jack. 

Having the rest of their team there made it both easier and harder to keep their relationship a secret. The only one who wasn’t in the know was Prentiss. It wasn’t that they didn’t trust her, on the contrary, she had proven multiple times since she joined the team that they could trust her with their lives and they did. It was just, they didn’t know how she would react. Some people judged them because they didn’t understand how their relationship worked, not that they thought she would but it was always a possibility. 

“So how long have you two been together?” Prentiss directed the question to Morgan and Garcia over a lull in the conversation. 

Garcia nearly joked on the pasta she had just put in her mouth, and everyone else at the table had varying levels of laughter. 

“You’re not together… are you?” Prentiss rolled her eyes. “Of course you’re not. You’re just good friends… I apologize. You’d think someone who rants about the stigma that girls and boys can’t be friends without fu-uh…” Her eyes widened at Jack. “Uh… that boys and girls can’t be friends without crushing on each other wouldn’t assume you two are together.”

“We all have our unconscious bias,” Reid spoke for nearly the first time since dinner started. “I’m sure you’ve also fallen under the assumption that everyone at this table is straight?”

“Uh…” Prentiss didn’t know what to say, because yes she had. “Well, I’m not, so not everyone.”

Reid smiled at her, “Neither am I.” 

“Oh cool!” Prentiss sounded like an excited teenager who just found out a tentative friend’s favorite show was the same as their own. “Are you gay gay? Or I mean… how do you identify?”

“Bisexual,” Reid answered easily. “I assume you’re “gay gay” correct?”

“Yeah,” Prentiss let out an embarrassed laugh.

“I’m bi too,” JJ said with a smile, then added with a shrug. “I was feeling left out.”

“I am pansexual,” Garcia added excitedly. “Since we’re sharing.”

To Prentiss’ surprise, Haley was the next to speak, “What is that you called, Penelope, bi-curious?”

Garcia nodded happily, “Sexuality is fluid.”

“As are so many things in life,” Reid agreed. “Sexuality, gender, time-”

“Reid,” Hotch warned. “The fluidity of time is not a dinner topic.”

“Yes sir,” Reid nodded. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright,” Hotch then turned to Prentiss. “You’ll find that this team is not like many others you’ll find in the Bureau. Most of us are part of the queer comunity and if not we’re allies. You’re safe and supported with us.”

Prentiss’ heart swelled as she looked at her team, her apparently very gay team. 

“I didn’t think I liked men until I joined the team,” Morgan commented.

“Wait! You’re gay?” Her eyes widened, it would make his flirting with everyone a little more understandable, but she’d seen him check out girls. 

“No,” He chuckled. “I’ve only ever been with one man, but I’m hooked.”

The wink at Reid didn’t go unnoticed, but it made her smile falter. She was sitting next to JJ, who was in a committed relationship with Reid. JJ noticed her concern and worried she’d snap at her boys so she spoke up. 

“Yeah yeah, you’re Reid-sexual,” JJ chuckled. 

“What can I say?” Morgan chuckled. “He’s my Pretty Boy.”

Prentiss leaned over to JJ and whispered, “Are you okay?”

JJ couldn’t help but let out a laugh, “Yes, we’re all good. Don’t worry. They’re my boys.”

There was a deeper meaning behind her words, but Prentiss decided to leave it for another day. There was a lot of PERSONAL information being given freely right now and she wasn’t sure what to do with it. 

She turned to Gideon, “Sir, I mean this in the most respectful way possible… you’re straight right?”

Gideon chuckled, “Mostly, yes.”

“MOSTLY!?”

“Really Em?” The nickname slipped out of JJ’s mouth easily. “He started the BAU with one other person.”

“They matched in intelligence and were young college students when they met,” Reid added. 

“So you’ve all heard this story before?” Prentiss couldn't believe it. 

“It’s not anything too explicit,” Gideon shrugged. “Innocent drunken kisses, everyone has them. Right Reid?”

“Okay! Your son is smart!” Reid protested. “And into much younger men.”

“He’s closer in age than your first,” JJ commented.

“Can we not do this now?” Reid nearly begged. “E didn’t do anything I didn’t want him to.”

“You were a child,” JJ’s voice had a harder edge to it. 

“Okay,” Morgan stood from the table and put a hand on JJ’s shoulder, “Let’s take a walk Jayje. Help me with desert.”

JJ followed him, stumbling a bit having stolen and drank whatever was in Reid’s full glass after emptying her own at least four times prior. 

“I’m sorry, Emily,” Reid didn’t make eye contact but sounded genuine. “They don’t like how I view some of the things in my past.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Prentiss smiled, feeling a connection to the man hiding his eyes behind his hair. “I’ve got demons I call friends too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they are all gae


	5. Part Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: referenced HIV/AIDS. Drug use. SMUT. High sex.

As hazy days turned into strung out weeks, Spencer found himself needing just a little more every time. It was getting harder to feel the high and numb the rest. The doctor’s appointment was a blur of too hot, too cold and nausea. He was riding on just enough to function but not enough to cope. He couldn’t focus on the tests or the results, all he could think about was how long he had to go before he could get well.

The doctor was under the impression that his strange behavior was due to his anxiety and the heavy anticipation of finding out the results of his last test. Over the course of the weeks, Spencer had become more and more withdrawn during the appointments. His depression mixed with his addiction and his anxiety skyrocketed. Not only was he desperate yet scared to find out the results of his tests, he was also desperate to keep his new habit a secret. 

“Dr. Reid, are you with me?” His doctor spoke softly as she waited for him to come back to the room. 

She is patient with him, waiting for him to pull out of a flashback, blink back to the present, swim his way out of his own mind. He liked her. One of the first things they talked about was how she understood trauma and that he'd suffered and survived something that his mind and body would be healing from for a long time. She had set him up with a therapist, a psychiatrist, a physical therapist, and gave him pamphlets of support groups ranging from trauma survivors to HIV/AIDS groups. 

He nodded but didn't say anything.

“Is it alright if we talk for a moment while we wait for your results?”

Again, just a nod. 

“Firstly, I want you to know I haven’t shared anything from our appointments. Everything you say to me and everything in your charts and from our appointments stays between us,” She assures him. “I say that because I have also been meeting with Ms. Jareau and Mr. Morgan. They both asked me to talk to you about why they’ve been meeting with me.”

He whispered, “I know.”

“Oh? They told you?” 

“No, I think I figured it out,” Spencer shrugged. “They want to be ready, in case I test positive.”

“Yes,” She was always honest with him. “They’ve been on PrEP just in case, but that doesn’t mean I think you’re going to test positive, or that you would be endangering them if your tests were inconclusive. We want you all to be safe and I would love for you to come back here and tell me you’ve exercised outside of your PT appointments.”

He was surprised by the chuckle that escaped his chest, “Are you telling me, as my doctor, to have sex with my partners?”

“As your doctor, I’m telling you to exercise and get back to some normalcy,” She smiled at him. “As your friend and colleague? Yeah, I’m telling you to have sex with your partners.”

“Are you going to write me a prescription for it?”

She chuckled, “Do I have to?” 

“As long as they’re protected, I’m fine.” 

His kit slipped from his limp fingers and fell to the floor with a soft thud as he tipped backward and landed on his back. His limbs felt heavy as he sunk deeper into the bed, slipping under the mixing waves of dilaudid and heroin. He was alone. His body floating heavily against his mattress. He swam in the hazy sea somewhere between consciousness and unconsciousness drowning and resurfacing as his chemical concoction turned his blood toxic, his brain fuzzy and his body numb. 

He was still heavy when a banging roused. 

“Spencer!” He recognized the calling voice as Derek’s. “C’mon Pretty Boy, time to wake up!”

He hummed and groaned as he maneuvered himself off his bed. Derek was early, or maybe he was just still too high. He furrowed his brow when he saw three hours had passed, but answered the door anyway and smiled at his boyfriend. 

He was suddenly intertwined with the older man, their lips pressed together. His fingers pulled at Derek’s shirt as he was pushed backward into the room, towards his room. His room where his kit still laid on the floor where it landed, a needle somewhere on his if he didn’t put it away during the time he couldn’t recall. 

“JJ?” Spencer gasped out, stopping them from moving farther than his kitchen. 

“She’s waiting for us,” Derek smirked. “Said she had something planned.”

“Best not to keep her waiting,” Spencer smiled, hoping the panic he felt in his chest wasn’t shown on his face. 

“It’s alright Spence, we won’t do anything you don’t want to do,” Derek spoke softly, his hands still firmly yet gently holding Spencer’s hips. “We just want to make you feel good.”

“I know.”

“Then don’t look so scared, Baby Boy,” Derek kissed his lips once more before grabbing his hand and leading him towards the front door. “We’re gonna take care of you.”

“I know,” Spencer repeated with a smile. “You guys always do.”

Spencer dozed on the drive with Derek’s warm hand as a comforting, grounding weight on his thigh the whole time. His boyfriend didn’t seem to mind though, he just smiled and hummed along to the low volumed music that played through the speakers. 

The feeling of still moving even when the car was parked and Derek was moving around to his side, alerted Spencer that he was more fucked up than he originally thought. Derek didn’t seem to notice, or didn’t care. He himself was lust drunk and responded well to Spencer crowding him at the front door, pushing his slim chest against Derek’s broader one. He pressed hard, leaning against him as he connected their lips, his teeth catching Derek’s bottom lip gently.

He felt strong hands press into his lower back and pull him impossibly closer. One of those hands snaked its way up Spencer’s spine and rested on the back of his neck. Derek’s fingers played at the bottom of Spencer’s growing hair and he smiled into their kiss. 

He mumbled something that Spencer didn’t catch, so in response he just deepened their kiss again. 

“Okay!” Derek gasped. “We gotta go inside.”

Spencer nodded and let Derek unlock the door. The journey upstairs and the shedding of clothes was lost somewhere in the lust and drugs, and the next thing Spencer knew he was getting into the shower, reaching for JJ as he stepped under the spray. It was automatic that he started to focus on JJ and getting her off first. 

“Not tonight,” JJ smiled into his shoulder, her breath hitching when his fingers twitched. “Tonight is about you.”

All he could say was, “Us.” 

“Yes, it’s about us, but it’s also about you,” JJ tried to explain. “Let us make you feel good. Let us take care of you.”

“Let us do the work tonight, Baby Boy,” Derek purred into his ear, his chest vibrating against his back as he spoke. “Just… enjoy.”

JJ saw the protest on the tip of Spencer’s tongue and cut him off with a hard kiss. 

“For us?” She whispered against his mouth. 

He let out a breath and relaxed against Derek, “I can do that.” 

“Good boy,” Derek praised, nipping at the sharp edge of his boy’s jaw. “Relax, Spence.”

He relaxed further into the arms of his lovers, letting them have full control. He didn’t think, he didn’t have to. For the first time in upwards of twenty years he wasn’t thinking about anything. His mind drifted; from the mouths that were pressed to his skin, sucking bruises and nipping at the sensitive parts, to the fingernails that scratched at his shoulder blades causing his own to dig into whoever arm he was holding, to the fingers that found his damp hair and were gentle and rough as they pulled gasps from his parted lips. 

He was vaguely aware of the wine that escaped his throat when the water was turned off and the hands and mouths pulled away. 

“Shh, it’s okay, Spence,” JJ hushed, pulling at his wrist to get him moving. “We’re just moving to the bed.”

“Don’t worry about anything, Baby Boy, just go with it,” Derek smirked at the content sigh and spark of arousal he created in their boyfriend by just crashing his body into his and wrapping his arm around Spencer’s slim naked figure. “We’ve got you.”

“How do you want it, Spence?” JJ asked, standing in front of her boys. She licked her lips as she watched Derek mark Spencer’s neck with another hickey. 

“Don’t… can’t think,” Spencer mumbled. 

“Then don’t,” Derek chuckled, his chest rumbling against Spencer as he did. “Jayje has control, right Babe?”

Spencer nodded and gazed at their girlfriend with hooded eyes, “Jayje has control.”

A playful smirk played at JJ’s lips as she stepped forward and pulled Spencer from their boyfriend’s arms, “Der, on the bed. Up by the headboard.” 

“Yes ma’am,” Derek eagerly complied and climbed up to the head of the bed. 

She leveled her eyes at him, choking back a gasp when Spencer dipped his head and attached his lip to her neck, “Spread your legs.”

Derek did as he was told, fingers twitching to touch himself as he watched Spencer leaching at JJ’s skin. It was rare that Spencer was so willing to submit to them. He was in all sense of the word, a brat. And more often than not was giving the orders or on their calmer nights giving the service, and on their softer nights he’d be unable to stop telling them how amazing and beautiful they are. But now, now he was putty in their hands. He’d only been like this a handful of times before and Derek feared those days were over after the barn-

His thoughts were broken by a shocked screech followed by laughter. JJ had backed the young man up until the back of his legs were against the bed, then pushed him back. Causing him to land on the bed between Derek’s legs. 

Their boy was a sight, staring up at Derek in playful bliss. His hair messy, lips already plump and red, his pupils dilated probably matching Derek’s own. The lust, the love, the happiness in the room threatened to choke him as he looked from Spencer to JJ. 

His dick jumped when his eyes locked on JJ. She was climbing on the bed, joining them, her knees and palms of her hands pressed to the mattress on either side of Spencer as she crawled toward them. 

“Beautiful,” Spencer gasped out. 

“We’ve got a goddess in our bed, Spence,” Derek tangled his hands in Spencer’s hair, scratching his scalp gently instead of wrapping them around himself. “We’re lucky men.”

“Love ‘er,” Spencer agreed. 

JJ smiled and leaned down to kiss him gently, “I love you too.”

Spencer raised his eyes to Derek, “Love you.”

“I love you,” Derek smiled at his cute boy and placed his lips where JJ’s just were. 

Their kiss was interrupted momentarily by a gasping moan escaping Spencer’s gaping mouth. Neither man had noticed that JJ had situated herself lower on Spencer’s legs and leaned down while they were kissing until her mouth was securely around Spencer. Derek smirked when he felt Spencer’s fingers tighten around his forearms. 

Their boy wasn’t going to last long. He hadn’t done anything more than kiss them goodnight for far too long. 

“Spence,” JJ came back up to hover over his face when she spoke. “Focus on me for a second, Baby Boy. Let me see those eyes.”

“Hi,” He smiled up at her at few moments later, his mind temporarily roused from the sex fog. 

“Hi,” She smiled back. “I need an answer this time, okay? Do you want penetration right now? Or is that too much tonight?”

He looked distressed for a moment then shook his head, “Too much.”

JJ nodded and smiled, “Good boy, that’s perfect.”

“You’re doing amazing, Pretty Boy,” Derek whispered.

“Can I-” Spencer looked at JJ who nodded. “I want to do something.”

“Whatever you want,” JJ agreed quickly. 

He motioned to his mouth, “Tongue.”

“You want to do something with tongue?” Derek asked. “We could-”

“My tongue,” Spencer cut him off. “JJ?”

She smiled and kissed him before moving farther up and hovering over his still slightly bruised chest to kiss Derek, “Der, switch places with me?”

“Yes ma’am,” Derek quickly moved to the end of the bed, his hands immediately going to Spencer’s hips.

“Spence, I need you to communicate with us, okay?” JJ said. “If you start to feel uncomfortable, panicked, or any pain you let us know. Can you do that for me?”

“Yeah,” He nodded, his hands already resting on the back of her thighs. “Hair.”

“I know, Baby,” She smirked. “I gotchu.”

His clarity slipped into a haze of pleasure and high. He was sure JJ wasn’t getting much pleasure out of his mouth. He was nearly screaming in pleasure under her as Derek hollowed his cheeks and squeezed his hips. The only thing he was aware of for a long time was Derek’s mouth around him and JJ’s hands in his hair and her legs on either side of his head. 

He could hear himself letting out moans that sounded more like sobs as he got closer and closer to the edge of pleasure. He wasn’t shocked it was coming so fast. He wasn’t shocked that he blacked out from the bliss and woke up to JJ and Derek laying on either side of him. He was shocked that it was morning. 

“Good morning,” Derek smiled as his hand rubbed at Spencer’s bare chest. “I thought you’d sleep longer after the night we had.”

“I uh... yeah,” His voice was raw and his mind was still foggy. 

“Try to sleep some more, Baby Boy,” Derek said, pulling him closer to his chest.

He moved around a bit, trying to get closer to Derek while also staying close to JJ. A jolt of dull pain shot through him as he moved. 

He hissed and furrowed his brow, “Sore?”

“After the second round, you insisted you needed me in you,” Derek chuckled. “Do you want something for the pain?”

Spencer shook his head, still confused. He didn’t remember that, “I’m still… uh… my brain.”

“It’s alright, go back to sleep,” Derek hushed him, his own eyes already closed but knowing how agitated his boy gets when his mind is slow in the morning. “You’ll catch up when you wake up more and we get some coffee in you.”

“Yeah…” Spencer nodded slowly, letting the motion of Derek’s hand lull him back to sleep. “Jus’ tired.”

A day later he still didn’t remember all that happened that night. He learned enough from the debrief that he’d started begging for more, for them to go harder, longer, to give him more. From the feel of his throat and the sound of his voice he was sure he screamed the entire time. When he allowed himself he was very vocal in bed, and he knew the auditory response went straight to Derek’s dick. Half the time, Spencer and JJ could get Derek drunk with arousal by just vocalizing their pleasure at the taste of their dinner. 

He was glad for what he did remember from their night together, and a bit sad that his brain was blank for the rest of it. But what didn’t sit well with him is that he’d gone back on what he said and he doesn’t remember it. It’s not the fact that he remembers saying it would be too much and doesn’t remember begging for more. He trusts Derek and JJ and knows the last bit of his rational and barely sober mind had made the hesitant decision that penetration would be too much. What sat like a brick in his stomach was the possibility that if JJ or Derek had put a tentative limit on something or even a hard no, he could have ended up hurting them in some way. 

_I can’t do this anymore._

That night he sat himself down at his computer and googled NA meetings in the area.   
  


**_“When you can stop, you don’t want to. And when you want to stop, you can’t. That’s addiction.”_**

**_~ Anonymous_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He's gonna try and get sober!!!! YAY Spence!!!!


End file.
